I had a doctor's appointment yesterday with Dr. G, who is absolutely wonderful. I had seen Dr. G for a few years prior to Kaiser. She looked at my records, and the autopsy report herself, and also sent them to her perinatologist that she works with, for review. They both came to the conclusion that it was a probable cord accident - most likely a compression. Since there were no actual knots in the cord, this is the conclusion they reached.
She said several times, "This shouldn't have happened."..........I know....but it did.
She equated it to being struck by lightening - we couldn't have predicted it, and nothing could have been done to prevent it, or save him once it happened. But I still wonder - what was I doing at the actual moment it happened? Where was I? Was I awake, asleep?
On the up side, it's relieving to be back with a good doctor, and an actual human being at that. Not that the previous doctor could have done anything to prevent Beau's death, or did anything medically wrong, but it's just emotional reassurance, ya know?
It is such a comfort to have a doctor who shows compassion and understanding.
ReplyDeleteI am so very glad that you are with a doctor that has such a caring heart. It makes all the difference in the world!
ReplyDeleteAnd Minnow I still wonder about Bryce too....Where was I? What was I doing? Was there a sign that I missed? Did he suffer? Was is quick? Etc...
It's completely normal and healthy to have these thoughts and questions. I think we will always have questions and wonder WHY...because we love and miss our children so very,very much.
At least this new knowledge helps to bring a little bit of closure to the situation. Hang in there, girl...
ReplyDeleteGlad you are in a more comfortable situation...doctor-wise.
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