Life After Beau

These are just a few things I've written. In this emotionally chaotic time, it helps to organize my thoughts.
Thank you for sharing this life with me.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Where to start?

“A BLOG? Why are you starting a BLOG?” The word itself sounds weird, almost offensive, and seems crazy.

Here are my reasons:

Because it’s easier for me to answer the question “How are you doing?” in a paragraph, with a picture, with venting, with lots of words other than “I’m ok” (because often I’m not)….and because sometimes it’s easier for the asker not to even ask. I do so appreciate the asking, still, and I will continue to be grateful to you, as you walk with me on this horrible journey of grief.

Because when a child dies, no matter how long they were here on earth, it changes everything. The whole world has a different feel, a different color, a new heaviness.

Because I can’t keep everything bottled up. Because sometimes tears aren’t enough. Because I feel things deeper now. Because sometimes I’m so filled with rage, so filled with sadness, and surprising moments of joy, that I want to share that.

And because it’s easier to type than write in a paper journal. I do that too. Pencils have erasers, but the backspace key is so much faster. And pounding on a keyboard, I’ve discovered, is satisfying.

When Beau first died, I ran across lots of blogs from grieving parents. Some call them “web journals” which is all it is, really. Which I found surprising (the number of them), but now I know why…..because IT HELPS.

However, this is not a free ticket for you not to call me – because now you now know the answer to "How are you"? No excuses for not calling - I still want to hear your voice.

Love, minnow.


  1. Sarah, your strength is so inspiring! We had training on how to be more resilient in difficult times at work; you are the most resilient person I know. If you need anything at all, or can think of any way Bob and I can take away one iota of the pain, please let us know.

    By the way, impressive use of technology for a Metoxen! I am sure you are the first Metoxen in the world to set up a blog!

  2. Sarah, Please know that we are beside you in this journey. Although the days now too often seem dark, I know that brighter days will be coming for you and Sam. This blog is a big step and just like others have helped you, you will also, in turn, help touch others lives that follow. Remember to look for that rainbow. As Sue, I, too am impressed with the use of technology - which makes this even more special. Remember we are all here for you in any way that you need us. See you soon. Love, Mom

  3. Hi,
    Found you through MISS and wanted to let you know that I too started a blog early on in my days of grief way back in October 2007 after our son Liam died. My blog was a place to let go of the intense emotions that threatened to destroy me if not released. I found amazing support and friends in the blogosphere too. I hope you find this to be true for you as well. My blog is now private which I do not enjoy but find necessary at the moment. If you should like to be invited, send me a message through MISS.

    I'm so sorry you need this blog space. I'm so sorry your son died. This is a difficult journey, the darkest one of your life, but you will survive. Remember to be gentle to yourself. Remember to breathe.

  4. Minnow, I'm am thankful you have chosen an avenue to release some of what is inside of you. Thank you for taking the time to give us a glimpse of your world. I deeply ache for you everyday and will continue to keep you in my prayers. Love, noelle